Goodbye Jack, I Wish I Knew Ye

Goodbye Jack – I wish I knew Ye

 Jack Layton, leader of  the National Democratic Party in Canada died Monday, August 22, 2011 at 61 years of age from  Cancer. I watched his funeral on television – he was rightfully given a State funeral. I watched, laughed, hummed to the music, and cried. And I learned more about the person who was Jack Layton.

 Ever since moving to Canada, I have admired and thought highly of Jack Layton. He seemed sincere, honest and a fundamentally caring person.  It turns out I was right.

 And after listening to the heartfelt eulogies of Stephen Lewis, Rev. Brent Hawkins and his beloved children, and well as Chief Aleto, I learned even more about this public figure and person who deeply loved his country, its people and values and I am left wishing and hoping people, in and outside of the NDP and politics will see the importance of  carrying on the same ideals, policies and general and honest principles of  Jack to help make Canada and the Earth itself  become an even better place to live.

Yes, I wish I had known Jack Layton, I wish he could have sat with us, maybe for dinner or just around and had been able to discuss, well, just stuff.

My heartfelt sympathies go out to his family and friends. And I wish him a speedy journey to his next adventure wherever that may be. And I wish his family and friends and those who knew him even a little continue to celebrate the life he lived and the person he was.

Self-Induced Guilt

How do you not feel guilt. How do you not feel helpless? How do you not feel angry? And how do you not feel lost on what to do?

 

All of these feelings hurt in one way or another. And all of them I bring on myself when it comes to helping and/or not being able to help the kids.

 

Robert and I are by no means wealthy – not even close….like so many others we are an emergency away from the poor house….hell, we probably couldn’t even get in the poor house….it surely would be the streets instead.  We work hard for what we have….granted, we do have more than some others, but not as much as a lot of people.  We are close to retirement (Ha! I can’t retire until I’m like 70-something, if I am even able to work THAT long!), we don’t have any savings to speak of and we need to look after ourselves first and foremost.

 

And then there are the daughters. The oldest used to live with us, so she knows our financial situation…which is considerably worse since she had to move to the States and makes as much as Robert and I put together. The youngest has no source of income because she suffers from Lupus and Fibromyalgia and all the ailments and problems that arise when your immune system is compromised. And she is a single mom who is raising her daughter who has Type 1 diabetes. And she often needs financial help.  Which we used to be able to do occasionally, but find it very hard to do now.  And of course, this hurts us and makes us feel guilty.  My daughters have not had the best life….I was not  the best mother, but I did what I could do….maybe not my best, but as I said, not too perfect. And I have come to accept that about myself. I have always loved my children. And still do…

 

So – when we can’t help the kids, or if we get upset and kind of chew at them for something that happened and they turn on the tears….I feel the guilt, the helplessness, lost and angry that it isn’t better for them or us. 

 

But, I do have a loving husband who makes me see that I do what I am capable of for them, granted it may not be enough for them, but I try. And I don’t feel as bad because they are adults and I realize I have to look out for my husband and myself in our old age…

 

And the Universe knows I love those girls….and our granddaughters…..always have, always will and I hope someday their lives will be better, enriched and easier for them. 

 

And for us.

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